Bae is like: “lemme take one home, plz?” #no #machinepistol #shudder

- Sexy Vulture (Thanks, Kiri!) 

 (The boyfi could be rotting meat or a sickly deer, maybe?)

- Sexy Meatcat, obviously (Thanks, Meatcat!)

- Sexy Dr. Spaceman

- Sexy feline aids

- Sexy ebola? 


Bae trying to learn Instagram. #concentratingface #getahaircuthippie

I’ll get tired of re-watching 30 Rock over and over, in order? 

justcarl:

I’ve eaten nothing but donuts for breakfast and lunch, and with dinner coming around I’m considering making it a home run. 

Good GOD I respect you.

I dreamed I was married to Jason Segel and we had these little blonde kids and I had just found out I was pregnant with another and I was so happy but not nearly as confused as I should have been about how my kids looked like that. 

He was a totally kick ass husband tho. 

SWOON.

I was buying a yoga mat online since I’d spent the whole summer “forgetting” to take it off the deck. By now, it basically just a Petrie dish of every bug fluid that exists. It went beyond even my tolerance for grossness. Even I won’t put my face on it anymore. 

I was deciding whether the deal to buy a towel and a block too for 15% off made any sense when I got a text from the dude. 
Him: Wanna hear something annoying? 
Me: Yes!
Him: I miss you.
(Awwww. Squee!) (Ha ha.) 
Now. This ha ha concerns me, just a bit. Feeling like the beloved is nice and the fact that he caved at a moment that I was feeling fine means nothing. In fact, we know well who in this relationship gets anxious being alone too long (ME) but still. I get this feeling I won when he admits it before I do. 
In early dating, this feeling seems more normal. It’s the kind of one-ups-man-ship (how the hell do you write that?!?) you’d expect in the early volleying. But now? Two and a half years in? 
Admittedly it’s quieter now, and my squishy feelings are much louder but it makes me feel guilty. And weird. 
I don’t withhold anything to “win,” I just feel a little whisper of victory when I do. 

Eating ice cream from the carton and watching the cooking channel. I went from happy housewife to Liz Lemon in 60 seconds. #sololiving #singlebehavior #cheesyblasters

I’m actually doing it. Bought my ticket an hour and a half ago. Totally unreasonable, but I had my reasons. #anotherfirst #hugelysuspicious #atleastididntpayincash

No one in the airport, but a very detailed security line. I’ve never had such strong, purposeful eye contact and conversation in my life. #justfinewithme