I’ll get tired of re-watching 30 Rock over and over, in order? 

justcarl:

I’ve eaten nothing but donuts for breakfast and lunch, and with dinner coming around I’m considering making it a home run. 

Good GOD I respect you.

I dreamed I was married to Jason Segel and we had these little blonde kids and I had just found out I was pregnant with another and I was so happy but not nearly as confused as I should have been about how my kids looked like that. 

He was a totally kick ass husband tho. 

SWOON.

I was buying a yoga mat online since I’d spent the whole summer “forgetting” to take it off the deck. By now, it basically just a Petrie dish of every bug fluid that exists. It went beyond even my tolerance for grossness. Even I won’t put my face on it anymore. 

I was deciding whether the deal to buy a towel and a block too for 15% off made any sense when I got a text from the dude. 
Him: Wanna hear something annoying? 
Me: Yes!
Him: I miss you.
(Awwww. Squee!) (Ha ha.) 
Now. This ha ha concerns me, just a bit. Feeling like the beloved is nice and the fact that he caved at a moment that I was feeling fine means nothing. In fact, we know well who in this relationship gets anxious being alone too long (ME) but still. I get this feeling I won when he admits it before I do. 
In early dating, this feeling seems more normal. It’s the kind of one-ups-man-ship (how the hell do you write that?!?) you’d expect in the early volleying. But now? Two and a half years in? 
Admittedly it’s quieter now, and my squishy feelings are much louder but it makes me feel guilty. And weird. 
I don’t withhold anything to “win,” I just feel a little whisper of victory when I do. 

Eating ice cream from the carton and watching the cooking channel. I went from happy housewife to Liz Lemon in 60 seconds. #sololiving #singlebehavior #cheesyblasters

I’m actually doing it. Bought my ticket an hour and a half ago. Totally unreasonable, but I had my reasons. #anotherfirst #hugelysuspicious #atleastididntpayincash

No one in the airport, but a very detailed security line. I’ve never had such strong, purposeful eye contact and conversation in my life. #justfinewithme

We needed a pipe when we were in California. So, we drove around googling until we found somewhere. And when we got there, I got to pick the size and design. 

When we were buying dust masks from REI, he bought the one I liked for himself. 

I’ve always been the kind of person who has a favorite mug. And fork. And BOWL. If something I need is only available in an unsatisfying color, I’ll go somewhere else to find another if at all possible. 

I’m that person. But I rarely mention it, because who cares? 

When he asks me to choose, to pick his shirt or a stupid temporary pipe, it means something to me. I never anticipated that. 


We got back from Burning Man on Tuesday night (more on that later), had a crazy week and a crazier weekend, and then the dude left to spend the rest of the month in MV. 

I’ve actually been looking forward to it. Glad to be back in New York, able to get up early, eat at weird hours, and do my weird single behavior that have been relegated to the few hours I’ve had alone all summer. ESPECIALLY after the constant togetherness of Burning Man. 

But as soon as he left, I felt AWFUL. Anxious, lost, lonely. I’m so used to our chatting throughout the day, planning what we’re gonna eat together, and just having life in the house. 

I’d never lived alone until I was supposed to be living alone last winter but never ended up using my apartment and instead subletted it. So. Yeah. Never done this. 

But I didn’t expect it to effect me so much. It was shocking how empty it felt. 

Of course, after a day, I’m in the groove. I’m doing all my single behaviors like eating dinner three hours after lunch (lunch, take two), carefully organizing my clothes in the closet then throwing what I wear off at the end of the day onto the windowsill, watching bad TV and snacking on the most not snack-y foods that ever happened. 

Tonight I worked while watching Below Deck (oh god I love it), doing surveys (to check for errors) for my labs. 

In the introductory section they ask about relationship status. I almost forgot and picked “single.” Then, after looking at the questions it turns out that “in a relationship” wasn’t accurate either. I’ve moved to the “married or living together” bubble. 

All kinds of weird. 

Hopefully I’ll be able to go up and visit some weekends, because me all up in my own head is a LOT.

(I’m the adult who is still sort of scared to sleep in a house alone. Hi. Yeah.)

  • KV: Someone left a hate comment on my blog. I think of it like a journal so it was really weird. It was like someone leaving an angry note in my journal.
  • *conversation about what a buzz feed video of real life social media happenings would include*
  • Me: i've been trying to keep up with my blog but I keep getting side tracked. I'm gonna try to get back on because I just want to sit on my couch and write stuff that's not held up to any journalistic standard because I'M LAZY.
  • KV: Yeah. Me too.
  • *we discuss other things*
  • KV: I asked Will but he just gave me an unrelated answer in response. he always does that.
  • Me: Hahah! He should have a blog of that! We should ALL have blogs. That way we can all sit on our couches and train the animals to do all the other work and we can just know everything about all our friends without having to leave home and then when we're in person we can just constantly laugh and exchange no words.
  • #blogfodder